tWisTEd iTaLY
by lovielevie
Summary: Italy has finally decided enough is enough. Ridding himself of Germany, he goes on an adventure to find his inner self and discovers tons of new adventures along the way.
1. Chapter 1

**Rated M**

**Chapter 1**

It was a sunny summer day when it happened.

Italy was sitting alone in his room, thinking of all the awful times his abusive husband hurt him, beating him to the core. The next time Germany called his name, he thought, he would kill the country. Italy rubbed his arm over a bruise he got from last night's beating, throbbing in pain all over. He had a busted lip and a black eye, including scrapes along his back from when Germany dragged him. He shook his head defiantly.

No more of this domestic violence. Italy was getting a divorce, and if Germany didn't accept that, he was going to have to die before this marriage continued.

But it wasn't always this way. At one point, Germany and Italy were the happiest of couples and did everything together. They ate, sang, played, jumped, breathed, lived, inhaled, exhaled, and sang again together. They even both got pregnant at the same time and gave birth together. Italy still remembered the huge smile on Germany's face when the baby was laid in his arms… then the poor thing died, both of them.

Since then, Germany had been drinking every day and grew abusive over the years, but it wasn't Italy's fault. Now Italy decided enough was enough. He was done with this torn relationship and wanted out. Immediately.

"**ITALY**, **YOU LITTLE**…. batch of cookies!" Germany giggled, spinning around in circles with a large plate of assorted chocolates on his arm. "I got you some cookies, honey bun. Maybe you'll feel better from your trip down the stairs." Italy flinched at the insult and backed himself into the corner, feeling violated by Germany's kindness. "I'm sorry it took me so long to bake them. The oven's timer was off so they're a little burned." Germany pulled off his gloves and began hand feeding the cookies to Italy.

"You're so mean!" Italy said while chewing and swallowing the delicious cookies. This abuse was so terrible! "I want a divorce, Germany."

"What?" Germany looked hurt, lowering his hand as Italy ate another cookie. "But sugar plum, I've done everything I could to make this work! After the kids died, you started acting so violent and you were drunk, but I pulled through anyway! Please stay with me!"

"No, Germany. Every day you cook and clean for me, you even bathe me, but I never appreciate the hard work you do. You're just way too abusively perfect." Italy shook his head and looked down, trying to avoid Germany's penetrating gaze. "I want a divorce. Now."

"But Italy—"

Suddenly there was a gun shot and Germany stopped talking. Italy cried and saw Germany slump to the floor, dead. He got up and held Germany in his arms, rocking the poor guy back and forth. He then realized that the gun he hid under his pillow was now in Italy's hand and the bullet had come from that gun. Italy dropped Germany in realization. He did this. Now he would have to hide the body.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rated M**

**Chapter 2**

After shoving Germany's body underneath his bed, Italy snuck out of the house to get Japan's help. He walked all the way to Japan's place, through fire and snow and winter and fall and summer and fire and snow and snow and even more snow. "Japan, I need your help," Italy cried as Japan opened the door.

"What do you need help with, hun?" Japan asked, leaning against the doorframe all sexily. Japan's long hair touched the floor and his unusually non-manly hips filled the entire width of the door. Japan smacked loudly on his cherry gum as he gazed down at the ragged muscular Italy, wondering why he would ever marry someone as scrawny and feminine as Germany. Oh well, Japan was feminine too, but in a sexy hot way that brings all the boys to the yawd.

Italy couldn't believe Japan's hospitality. It hurt him so much Italy wanted to cry. How could Japan do that? Why the heck would Japan ever say something so nice? Japan was Italy's _friend_ for Pete's sake! Italy cried and walked away, leaving Japan to his hip-ness as he stared at Italy's clenched butt cheeks, which are huge and round, bigger than any person's butt on earth. So hawt, Japan thought.

Italy ran to Britain, as much as Italy despised the man. Britain is extremely short and looks plump in size and always had a mysterious attitude about anything and everything. Italy decided running was too hard and teleported instead. Britain was playing with his nipples and got startled by Italy's sudden appearance.

"It's not what it looks like," Britain exclaims, his nipples slowly caving inward through his chest. It was a horrid sight for Italy to see. Italy grabbed Britain's shoulders and head butted him in the sternum, hard enough for Britain to fly backward and crash through the wall. Italy couldn't take it. The image of Britain's nipples stained his corneas.

So hawt, Italy suddenly thought, and cursed himself for thinking that Britain's inward nipples could possibly be attractive. But are they…? They're so triangular.. and _juicy_. Italy felt a tingle in his butt as he envisioned them. Oh well, Britain flew through the wall and probably broke his neck on the fall. Italy guessed it _wouldn't_ hurt to just rip them off and borrow them for a few days…


End file.
